The beginning of the end…
In 2014 I was living in Texas on an expatriate assignment working in a high-profile executive leadership role that involved long hours in the office and at home.

One unassuming night at home, I began to feel strange. My hands and feet were sweaty, it was hard to breathe and I had stabbing pains in my chest. It felt like I was having a heart attack. I ended up in ED where (thankfully) I was told I was not having a heart attack but I was beyond scared by the experience. I dutifully went back to my life and the stress like it was normal and I was OK.

Except it wasn’t normal. And I wasn’t OK.

3 more episodes, ED visits and a gamut of tests, it was not until my fourth ED visit that a nurse finally told me what was happening.

I was having panic attacks.

My body was telling me I wasn’t coping and had to change, however I didn’t listen and simply learned to identify the onset of the attacks and try to manage them.

The mini-breakdown…
Upon returning to my hometown Perth, I was terribly unhappy and experienced a mini-breakdown which saw me step down into a lower graded role and see a psychologist. 

I was able to improve my mental health but one thing I couldn’t deny was that I was miserable in my career. I no longer felt joy or purpose for my work and the stress had taken a toll on my health.

Despite all of the evidence in front of me begging me to change, I came up with of stack of rationalisations as to why I couldn’t:

• “I need the financial security of my multiple six-figure salary”

• “I have built a great reputation and don’t want to have to prove myself again”

• “Why go somewhere else to do the same work, be miserable and get paid half the salary?”

• “I’ve been working in corporate so long, I can’t do anything else”

• “I’m too old to change careers”

All of these rationalisations were deeply underpinned by self-doubt and fear. They kept me in my comfort zone, which in truth was not comfortable at all. I felt life was passing me by but I was trapped and didn’t have any options to make things better.

Then my life imploded…
In 2019 my marriage came to an abrupt end and the company I worked for sold its assets, including its staff. I had been in my relationship for 17 years and worked for the company for 12. In what seemed like a heartbeat, two major things I was largely defined by, fell apart.

I finally realised life was presenting me with an invitation to re-evaluate and I began a period of intense self-reflection and discovery.

I chose to re-evaluate who I was without my husband and the career reputation I had built. I asked myself difficult questions, took stock of my life and what was truly important.

The real catalyst for change…
I almost cried at my desk when I once again felt the symptoms of a panic attack descending upon me mid-2020. It had been years since I’d had one and so it felt soul destroying to be back in that place. At that moment, I knew there was no amount of money or prestige that was worth continuing working in the corporate world. I finally decided things had to change and I was the only one who could create that change.

I began to plan my exit strategy. I created a financial plan (didn’t need that multi-six figure salary after all!) and considered my options. The right course for me was to quit my job without another to go to. Some people told me the move was stupid. Others, courageous. Regardless of what anyone else thought, it felt right for me and for once I was following my heart not my head.